It was bound to happen....right??

Yes...morning sickness appears to have set in.

So, I have never truly been the best back seat car rider (I'd like to thank my Dad for passing this on)...however, in the past few years, I have found different 'ways' to make things better and have been able to tolerate the back seat pretty well in most circumstances.

A week after the implantation transfer on Feb. 14th, I was in New York on business and had to ride in the backseat for about 10 minutes 2 times a day. It made me pretty nauseous and while it was winter there, I forced the other 3 guys in the car to put the air on (cool air blowing on my face makes things a bit better)...although for about an hour after we arrived, I still didn't feel so great. I really didn't think much of it.

The other day on lunch, I traveled 3 miles away from work with 2 other girls from the office. I did ask to sit in the front seat since it was very sunny and warm out (and typically that is when I'm at my worst in the back seat). For just that short ride there and back...I didn't feel well for at least another hour or so after I got back...hmmm.

Then this past Saturday, John and I drove up to enjoy a Chili-cook off party at Andy & Brittany's (which was quite yummy by the by...). I looked at about 3 pages of pictures in my magazine....and uh, didn't feel well at all. John pulled over and got me some 7up and some salty fries. It helped a little, but it felt like a long hour and a half ride!!!

So I thought, okay...perhaps car rides are not the best. Truly the past couple days I had even noticed when I drive if I am changing lanes or merging and have to spin my head around quickly, it hasn't felt the greatest...but I could still tolerate it...

Then Sunday morning came...okay, everything's fine...ate breakfast and we were getting ready for puppy school for Buddy....then Buddy (who we could tell wasn't feeling well) threw up. Thankfully I did not see it...and John typically cleans it up (thanks John!!!). It wasn't too long afterwards, that I started to not feel so hot myself. And I don't think it was just cuz Buddy wasn't feeling well....normally it grosses me out, but this was just different. I never 'tossed my cookies'...and I only spent a little time next to the 'big throne', but mainly I just laid on the couch with my eyes closed and half-slept. It lasted a couple hours....and after I felt better, I started feeling bad again. But I think about 3 hours later, I was good to go. (And for those of you wondering, by the evening Buddy was feeling better too....he got a hold of one of my ice packs from the shot we do at night for me....and tore a hole in it...so I think he got some of the gel...it is not toxic, but it still probably didn't sit too well. It was my fault and I felt really bad about it....and John didn't let me forget all day that I made our dog sick...thanks John.)

This morning, I slept extra late....it's not that I didn't necessarily feel bad, but I didn't necessarily feel great either. After I showered and started getting ready...the nauseous feeling came to get me....again, nothing 'transpired', but the feeling was there. Luckily, it didn't last too long...only about 30 minutes...then a couple of random, very small snacks helped a bit more.

So, we'll see how this goes. While nobody ever wants to 'feel' nauseous....I still feel super blessed to have this experience and would go through whatever symptom it takes for this little baby to get here!!!!! John is wonderful and has been taking good care of me...he's been really great.

So I suppose it's time for me to go back to my books and tips & tricks that I buzzed right over about morning sickness. I kept thinking I don't have it...no worries! Then I found out from a couple friends and my sister-in-law, Melissa, that you don't necessarily get it right away (I thought you did...so I thought I was in the clear....nope!).

(In case anybody is paying super close attention...I started this post yesterday...then started getting nauseous...and finished it up Monday morning. So it says it was posted on Sunday...and I reference 'today' as Monday....so it could be confusing if you were paying that close of attention...)

Update

So after I got my results and beautiful ultrasound picture on Monday, my nurse called to tell me that there was a misunderstanding with when I was getting discharged (kicked out) from the fertility clinic. I thought I was getting kicked out on Tuesday, which in my mind was WAY too early...and I had expressed my thoughts on this to both my nurses and finally they must have realized just how right I was.

So my next and last appointment with the fertility clinic is next Thursday, March 20th at Noon. I will have another ULTRASOUND...yay...I am SO excited about that! I wonder how much he or she grew?? On that date I will be just a couple of days shy of 8 weeks...so I'm expecting to see a little bit more than a shrimp. Of course, I will be excited just to see that little heart beating again.

The nurse did mention that I was also going to have bloodwork done (very typical of these visits), but that they were going to stop measuring my HcG levels as they usually plateau once a heartbeat is found. That's good for me....because otherwise, I will keep comparing those numbers and I don't want to worry if it doesn't double in a specific timeframe... :)

Let's see....no morning sickness to report. I'm tired more on some days and other times I am just as tired as I was before I was pregnant. Some days it seems I am soooo hungry and other days, I am hungry just like normal. I am trying to eat more fruits and vegetables and drink milk. I love milk, however with my Chron's diagnosis back in 2000 I learned that drinking milk really upset my stomach and made me feel just awful. Since I've learned I was pregnant, I've drank several glasses of milk throughout the couple weeks and have felt fine. Sometimes it makes me bloated, but for the most part it is okay. I've also started letting yogurt back in my diet...and that is working well too. I really don't ever 'need' sweets. Before I was pregnant, there were definitely times that I would eat a cookie or brownie....but now, I see it and think....eh, I don't really feel like that taste right now. Which makes me sad, cuz I know they're so delicious...but happy, cuz I know that wouldn't help with gaining weight!

It is weird....I talk about this and it's so weird to know that there is a little person inside my belly. John and I love to look at the ultrasound picture...we both smile huge when we see the little baby on the picture....but it's still so surreal to me that there is actually a live, growing, beautiful baby inside me. I think once I start showing and feeling the baby move then it will become a bit more 'real'.

First Ultrasound!!!

It's a BABY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (with a heartbeat)

(In the picture, you will see a black circle...that is the yolk sac where the baby will hang out. Inside the black circle is the baby...the picture on paper is a bit clearer....but essentially that is the baby...I couldn't begin to tell where everything else is as you saw in my last post everything is still growing right now). :)

Haha....yes, we have one little miracle in there. The ultrasound tech looked around for a second one....but low and behold we will have one bundle of joy in November. We couldn't be more excited! We had a feeling it was one and honestly when she showed us the heart flutter I forgot to even look to see if there was a second one...I just thought it was the coolest thing ever!!!

So the baby kind of looks like a little shrimp. The baby is measuring at 4.7mm long...right on target for 6 weeks, one day (give or take a day....which puts us at Nov. 1st...our due date).

She turned the screen so John and I could see and right away I saw the heart. It is very small, but kind of glows and is beating fast! The tech said that the heartbeat was about 120bpm (beats per minute)...which is practically perfect! The range is usually between 90-160, so we're looking good! She said the heartbeat will probably get faster in the coming weeks.

Oh it was just so cool. I shed a tear as she was getting all other kinds of measurements, just thinking about how real it is all becoming. When you don't show and don't have strong symptoms like morning sickness, you just wonder constantly....and me especially since it's been such a long wait already; I am so paranoid. But now that we've seen the heartbeat we can see that things are moving along just fabulously! I just want to have an ultrasound machine at home and watch the baby grow all the time!!! There is so much that happens every week...at least the Internet has all kinds of good information out there to tell me each week what is happening.

Oh yay!!!!

Week 6

Yay, this past Saturday I was 6 weeks along....hooray!!!!

This week I've ready that the baby's heart is 'built' and working. The baby is about a quarter of an inch long and has dark spots where the eyes and nostrils will be....the baby has little marks for ears and the arms and legs are protruding buds! All the little organs are being built as we speak (I hope this poor baby doesn't get my icky Chron's).

What is amazing to me is how all that can be happening in a quarter of an inch long baby!!!! It is truly, truly a miraculous event and I am so excited that we are able to experience it.

Ultrasound Postponed

So, we decided to postpone the ultrasound to Monday (it was the original date we were going to do it anyway). Apparently my insurance (while amazing coverage) wants me to have an ultrasound at 6 weeks, then get 'kicked out' of the fertility center. So after long talks with the nurse, we think it is in our best interest to SEE the heartbeat before I get the boot....so we decided to give the baby (or babies) a couple of more days to make their heartbeat super strong so we can see it on Monday.

I thought I would be more bummed having to wait...but I know I would've been just crushed if I wouldn't have seen the heartbeat today....and would have to wait until my OB could 'hear' it....I would be a nervous wreck...and that's just not healthy for anybody.

In the meantime, I am a very hungry lady!!! Although, the baby does not have any specific tastes...so I am finding it a bit difficult to see what to shove down my throat! Right now crackers and grapes are pretty good fallbacks. :)

No morning sickness to report....so that's great!

Okay, I'll post the ultrasound picture on Monday after we get a good look!!!

3rd Test - STILL Pregnant!!!

Okay, so I must admit that while I've had the last two pregnancy tests and my levels were good....it is still such an UNBELIEVABLE feeling to still be pregnant. I mean, I truly think all ladies out there that got pregnant right away were so lucky. But, really sitting down and thinking about the last 5 years of trying so many things and just 'waiting'.....well we just feel so incredibly blessed to finally experience this magical time! Sorry I sound so corny, but it's just so hard to believe.

So two of my good friends, Abbey & Kelly, insisted that even though I've had some positive blood tests, I should still pee on some 'sticks'.....so after my 3rd positive blood test....I did!!!!! And it was very exciting to see the word 'Pregnant' for once!!!!!!
Yes, today I had my 3rd pregnancy test to check all my levels...especially since last time my progesterone went down a bit. My results were as follows:
HCG=1,352 (up from 189 on Thursday...anything above 800 would have been just lovely)
Estrogen=1,180 (up from 829 on Thursday...still very good!!!)
Progesterone=35.7 (up from 27.7 on Thursday, which is very good!)

Wow, so it looks like so far this kid (or kids) is sticking! How exciting!!!

Next steps...
On Friday (yes, this Friday, 3.7.08 we have our first ultrasound!!!). I thought we'd have to wait until the following Monday, however they surprised me today with scheduling it for Friday...awesome!!! On this date, I will be 5 weeks and 6 days along....crazy!

Then the following Tuesday (3.11.08) we have our exit appt. with Dr. Jacobs our fertility doctor...ah....they're kicking us out of the fertility clinic already! Things are moving so quickly from this end...I've developed sort of a comfort zone with that place....although, trust me I am glad to leave on these excellent circumstances!

Now, however I need to find myself an OB!!!! After we had switched insurance companies, my primary care doc (who is on maternity leave right now) gave me the referral to the fertility clinic...and I bypassed the OB. Plus I want to switch hospitals to the one that is closest to our house....so much to do before next week....I don't just want to pick any random schmo to deliver my miracle baby!!!!

Today was also the first day that I felt a little queasy....had I not been pregnant, I would've thought I was getting the flu. Hey, I'll take any symptom just as long as I have a healthy and successful pregnancy!

Later! I'll be sure to post the 1st baby ultrasound on Friday!

Paige

2nd Test Results - Thursday!

So on Thursday, 2/28 I had a second pregnancy test. The goal of this blood draw is to make sure that you are still pregnant and that all the levels are rising...in fact, the HCG should double every 48 hours.

In the afternoon, I got the call. Yes, I was still pregnant! Yay...it hadn't been a dream!

My HCG, which was 66 on 2/26 had almost tripled to 189!!!! Great!
My estrogen, which was 150 on 2/26 had done a lot and was now 829!!!! Holy smokes!
My progesterone, which was 34 on 2/26 had actually gone down and was now 27.7.

The nurse mentioned that both the estrogen and progesterone can fluctuate, but just to be safe they upped my 'Progesterone in Oil' shot that I get in the butt each night to 1.5 cc (instead of 1cc). Hey, no big deal to me!

I asked if it was too early to tell if there was more than one baby in there (although my numbers are 'higher than normal' they aren't extremely high to scream that there's another baby in there)...and she agreed, she said that the first ultrasound will show if there's one or two... :) At this point, we don't really care either way....we would love one or both...although, I am certain that 2 will be a lot more work! :)

I am due November 2, 2008 and am currently about 4.5 weeks along (since they count from the first day of your last period...although since my cycle was not 'normal' due to IVF they count from date of conception....again not quite normal since my dear embryos were in the freezer....but they know what their doing).....yay!!!!!!

My next appt. in Monday, March 3rd to confirm that my numbers are still doing well....I will post more when I have those results plus the next steps!!!!

Keep on praying!
Paige

Telling the WORLD!!!!!

The day prior to the big test, John and I agreed that I would tell him the response at home....he is so busy at work and has so many afternoon meetings....and I always seem to call him when he can't talk long and he wanted to be able to have his full attention.

Good thought, right? Yeah, well things didn't quite happen that way. I called John immediately! When he didn't answer his cell, I called his work phone and he answered....in between tears I shouted, "John you're going to be a Dad....it was positive"! I could tell that I caught him at a busy time....and I could also tell that he was in shock as I was....and being at work in a tiny cube that he shares with another person, he cannot exactly scream and cry like I was doing....but I knew that he was excited!

John had a meeting that he couldn't get out of....and was at work late...so I swung by and picked him up (after I went to Target and bought a couple of things, naturally). I gave him a card and a burp cloth that said "I love my Daddy" (I know you're thinking....burp cloth?? But it was the only non-gender-based Daddy thing there...so I went with it!). We kissed and hugged and began talking about it all while driving down to my parents house.

On the way down, we called his parents.....Bill answered the phone and John said 'Dad, I'm going to be a Dad'! He said 'oh my gosh' and then proceeded to get Dorene on the phone as well. John told Dorene the same thing and she was so excited and....low and behold her pregnancy wheel just happened to be near her and she calculated our due date! Her chart says Nov. 7th...MY birthday!!!! Oh what a great birthday present! Although I then mentioned that the embryo was already 5 days old....so my new thoughts are that the date is within the first couple days of November. I will contact my doctor today to find out for sure.

After ignoring several calls from my mother, we showed up at her doorstep with a card and a onesie that says "Let's face it....it's time to call Grandma". She opened the door and I smiled a HUGE smile flung open the door and said 'I'M PREGNANT'!!!!!!!!!!!! I think we hugged about 20 times that night!!!! We scurried downstairs (to tell my Dad as he was in the garage) and he had just come in.....so more hugs and kisses!!!!!

THEN, we called my sister from my Mom's phone (she later said that she thought Mom was calling her to give her a heads up that it was negative...wrong!)....she immediately started crying as I fully expected. :) Then said, I'm on my way over!

We then called James & Melissa, Andy & Brittany, Dan & Kaye, Dave & Paula, Sandy & Troy and tons of other family. Everybody had similar reactions....a scream at first then words of joy!

Naturally with my Mom and sister...the cameras came out and pictures were taken!

We left around 9-ish and got some food as we were quite hungry. :) We talked much more on the way home and despite seeing so many family and friends have babies and being there for them....we have sooooo many questions!!!!!!!

We look forward to sharing out stories and questions with everybody and getting advice and tips on this or that on anything and everything. Right now, we are still just soaking it in.

GOD is amazing!

Other 'magical' factors that helped....

Outside of the most important factor of acheiving a positive pregnancy - prayer, prayer, prayer - here are some other odds and ends that led to a positive pregnancy:

- Embryos were conceived on Sweetest Day(....then frozen)
- The transfer was performed on Valentine's Day
- Dr. Jacobs (our doctor) performed the transfer
- A pregnant nurse assisted our doctor
- A friend suggested that I eat foods with cinammon the days just after the transfer to assist with implantation
- I stayed on bedrest for about 5 days instead of just 2
- I had the dream of the little girl with 2 faces
- I had light cramping (the uterus making room for the baby) the day after the dream

5 years and 3 months later....I'M PREGNANT!!!!!!

Yes, it is true....finally....after 5 years and 3 months of trying and waiting and praying, praying, praying.....I am finally pregnant!!!!

Here's how it went down:

Tuesday, Feb. 26th I had my blood test at 7:15am....I told Nurse Nicole to pick a good vein; one that had a winner. Then I sat at work all day....many people were out of the office at a conference, so it was pretty quiet...which doesn't bode well for a nervous person!

Around 2:15 I finished all my main projects and decided to head home...I didn't want to get the response over voicemail and I still didn't really know which way it would go...but I always brace myself for a negative as that is the only response I've received for the last 5 years...

About 2 minutes after I pulled out of work, Dawn (my sister) called me to tell me she loved me and couldn't wait and all that good juicy stuff as good sister's do. :) My other line beeped and I saw that it was my nurse. Knowing that if Dawn knew the nurse called and I'd have to call her right back....I lied (sorry Dawn, I won't lie to you again). I told her that work was calling me...made sense since I just left. So I hung up with Dawn and here it was.....

Nurse: Hello this is nurse (don't remember her name) from Dr. Jacobs office how are you today? (she sounded chipper....but she is naturally that way, so I tried not to read into it)

Me: Hi.....um, I'm really nervous.....

Nurse: Well you don't have to be any more because you tested POSITIVE!!!!!!!!

Me: (scream) (cry) (sob) (screech!) You're kidding...oh my this is so surreal!!!!

She proceeded to tell me all my numbers and how good they all were.....I have to call her back today so I can write them down as I don't have much of a clue what she said!!!! I do remember that I needed to stay on all my medications and come back Thursday the 28th for more bloodwork. All the numbers she had just read to me (that I don't remember) need to double on Thursday. I made my appt. and that was that!

Oh, our dream is finally coming true!!!

I had a dream...

So Saturday night I had a dream....and I'm not certain that I've had a dream where I've had a baby during a cycle or not....not saying it means anything, but it was neat....then weird.

So I had just delivered this beautiful baby girl. I looked over at her and started crying and said 'wow, she really is our baby'. The nurses were snipping the cord and doing their 'cleaning'....I kept waiting for her to cry and she didn't...perhaps I missed that part of my dream, because she was just making adorable noises. The dream almost felt like a test, because I was touching her tummy and her arm.....and I felt that the nurses should have done all the cleaning first before I touched her, so...I don't know.

Then I picked her up and checked out the back of her head....and it was her face...so I turned her around....and it was her face....she had 2 faces!!!!!! (Perhaps that's the possibility of twins talking)....I looked at John and said, does everybody else see this (cuz the room was filled with people). He said (with the camera around his neck like a tourist) not to worry about it, then he began taking our picture.

My sister then told everybody to get out of the room so I could start breast feeding....then the dream ended....

Weird.......who knows......

Transfer - Take 2

So after my visit on February 6th, my lining looked fantastic.....however a lining can look....

Yesterday, Valentine's Day, we had our frozen embryo transfer (FET). Things went smoothly....we hit some traffic on the way, but once there we were called right in....to the same room we were in before (we figured that if by chance it doesn't work out this time, we will ask for a different room going forward). :) We waited for about a half hour as they were finishing up with a retrieval in the other room. I don't mind waiting when we're in there....because John and I talk...and he tells corny jokes....we're just kinda goofy.

The ultrasound tech checked my water and I needed to drink a little bit more...so I chugged about 16 ounces right there....whoa...full bladder!!!

Our doctor, Dr. Jacobs came in along with the nurse...prepped me...the ultrasound tech got ready (pressing hard on my stomach)...then the embryologist came in and handed the doctor our children (embryos)....and in they went. The ultrasound tech snapped some pictures and then everybody left...we were done. Right before the nurse left she told me that she is the only pregnant nurse that day....and she got me as her patient...so there were extra baby vibes being sent our way! Hey, we'll take what we can get!

Here is our first ultrasound picture. If you look closely in the middle there is a white arrow...it is pointing to a little glowing line....The embryos are actually microscopic at this point. The 'glow' that you see is the fluid and air that the little embryos travel in for implantation....it helps so that the doctor can ensure that he put them in the right place.

So I was sent home on bedrest for 2 days....so John has been wonderful and has taken good care of me. :)

Now we wait 2 weeks.....and no inter-cycle blood test since it doesn't mean anything and the progesterone I am taking is not measured in the bloodstream.

In the meantime, I will continue to get a progesterone shot in the buttocks for 2 more weeks....ouch...

:)

Next Steps

So John and I decided to do a frozen cycle. We don't want to give up on the 1st batch just yet...I still believe that my body was so out of whack from all the meds that it 'bloated' the embryos out.....sure the doctor says that isn't it...but let me have this belief...I need something to blame other than another cycle that didn't work...

So we notified the nurses and everything got started....all I needed was to get my period......

......which took 2 weeks to arrive past its 'due' date. And no, of course, I was not pregnant...many thought it...including a tiny inkling myself, but no, we are not that lucky. :)

So finally mid December I got my period and went in for my baseline blood and ultrasound...things looked good....just a small cyst that should clear up (had the same thing last time and it did clear up).....

I then started taking birth control pills (sounds backwards, but again, they have to ensure that I don't get pregnant, so this is the best way).

All the dates are now set up...
I stop taking the pill on 1/12 and start Lupron
On 1/25 I go for my baseline blood and ultrasound....
if all is good, then 1/26 I start the 'patches' (something new)
Then on 2/6 I have another ultrasound to ensure my lining is thick enough (then from the docs office I jump on a plane for work for a few days)
Then on 2/14, yes Valentine's Day, we have our transfer

Our kids were conceived 10/20/07....Sweetest Day....then this is the day we were given by the nursing staff for our frozen embryo transfter....Valentine's Day....John and I figure that with all the extra love floating in the air, perhaps something magical will happen.....we'll see... :)

Follow Up

So, John and I met with Dr. Jacobs on Nov. 27th....about 3 weeks had passed by and we were ready to discuss next steps...

Dr. Jacobs while a knowledgeable and really nice guy is a fast talker....and occupies the conversation....so basically he was frustrated that it didn't work. He re-iterated that we're young and don't have any problems, so it should work. He also re-iterated that we have excellent insurance...and really, we do....Blue Cross Blue Shield HMO...they pay for pretty much everything except for freezing the embryos....so wow, it is great. As long as John stays with his work until we have at least one child....and his work doesn't change insurance plans for the next year, we'll be good. :)

So he said that we could do a frozen cycle or another fresh cycle. I asked why he would suggest a frozen when that would be the obvious next step for me..... He said that the frozen embryos are always there....those we can use many, many years down the road....but we may not always have the insurance....so we may want to use up the insurance while it is still solid... Also, he said that there could be something genetically wrong with the batch of embryos, but he wouldn't recommend doing genetic testing at this point as it is very expensive and not covered by insurance and he doesn't feel that is the problem....

We then asked what would he do differently this next time for a fresh cycle to make it 'better'? He said that he wouldn't push as many meds....now that he knows how sensitive my body is to the medication and how well I respond...we didn't need 44 eggs.....to then get 7 good quality embryos...so he's hoping to get fewer eggs, but greater quality...because I am young it shouldn't be a problem.

He gave us the quality of the eggs....and the explained how the quality can be measured differently at different places. Our next best quality is a 2AA and 2AB (I think)...so still pretty good...

He told us to think about it and let our nurses know the decision by the time I start my next cycle.....

The results

So, yes, I am doing this post a couple months later....the result of the pregnancy test was negative and at first I just didn't have the heart to post it.

So John and I had gotten our hopes up a little too high. The nurses were already telling me which outfits to dress them up in next Christmas and that they were already 'in kindergarten'...the doctors were all pretty positive about the whole experience....we had family and friends EVERYWHERE praying like crazy!!!! It was probably all I talked about and thought about for 2 weeks straight!!!

So a week after the transfer, I had a progesterone level check (blood test). It came back fine...I believe it was at a 17....they say anything above a 15 is good. I told another friend that is also going through IVF and she said that they can tell if you are pregnant by that test (although the nurses would say they cannot)....so I got all freaked out, cuz my number was not all that high...I worked myself up in a tizzy. I was on a ton of progesterone medication...a shot every 3 days and tablet inserts 3 times a day......but only the shot was measured in the blood...the tablets are way better, but not easily measured. So that made me feel better that there really could be a lot more going on....plus a different friend that was pregnant a natural way said hers was a 12 and she was pregnant....so my meltdown went away and I went back to being positive.

Well, I was told by my nurse that a home pregnancy could be done over the weekend and it would be accurate. In the meantime, I started feeling 'like usual, not pregnant'...but thought it was just my mind.

I took a test and it was negative....shortly after I started spotting. I cried.....hysterically actually for a few hours. John, I could tell, was very upset and hurt.

To make matters worse/better (still not 100% sure), I had to leave THAT afternoon to fly to Rhode Island for a business trip. I packed my things and drove myself to the airport.....then got through it the next day. I mainly felt bad for John....as it appears that while there is no problem, the embryos are just not sticking in my body...and I so badly want to give him a child.

I still had to take the blood test on Nov. 6th (yes, one day before my 27th birthday) and yes, it was confirmed as negative. Dr. Jacobs called and left a message that night stating how shocked and upset he was that it didn't work....you have NO idea....

We discussed the next steps when I retured the next day from my trip and decided to let things settle for at least a month....we both needed a breather after getting extremely disappointing news.

There is still hope and we still believe it will happen...it is just a matter of time....

:)