Telling the WORLD!!!!!

The day prior to the big test, John and I agreed that I would tell him the response at home....he is so busy at work and has so many afternoon meetings....and I always seem to call him when he can't talk long and he wanted to be able to have his full attention.

Good thought, right? Yeah, well things didn't quite happen that way. I called John immediately! When he didn't answer his cell, I called his work phone and he answered....in between tears I shouted, "John you're going to be a Dad....it was positive"! I could tell that I caught him at a busy time....and I could also tell that he was in shock as I was....and being at work in a tiny cube that he shares with another person, he cannot exactly scream and cry like I was doing....but I knew that he was excited!

John had a meeting that he couldn't get out of....and was at work late...so I swung by and picked him up (after I went to Target and bought a couple of things, naturally). I gave him a card and a burp cloth that said "I love my Daddy" (I know you're thinking....burp cloth?? But it was the only non-gender-based Daddy thing there...so I went with it!). We kissed and hugged and began talking about it all while driving down to my parents house.

On the way down, we called his parents.....Bill answered the phone and John said 'Dad, I'm going to be a Dad'! He said 'oh my gosh' and then proceeded to get Dorene on the phone as well. John told Dorene the same thing and she was so excited and....low and behold her pregnancy wheel just happened to be near her and she calculated our due date! Her chart says Nov. 7th...MY birthday!!!! Oh what a great birthday present! Although I then mentioned that the embryo was already 5 days old....so my new thoughts are that the date is within the first couple days of November. I will contact my doctor today to find out for sure.

After ignoring several calls from my mother, we showed up at her doorstep with a card and a onesie that says "Let's face it....it's time to call Grandma". She opened the door and I smiled a HUGE smile flung open the door and said 'I'M PREGNANT'!!!!!!!!!!!! I think we hugged about 20 times that night!!!! We scurried downstairs (to tell my Dad as he was in the garage) and he had just come in.....so more hugs and kisses!!!!!

THEN, we called my sister from my Mom's phone (she later said that she thought Mom was calling her to give her a heads up that it was negative...wrong!)....she immediately started crying as I fully expected. :) Then said, I'm on my way over!

We then called James & Melissa, Andy & Brittany, Dan & Kaye, Dave & Paula, Sandy & Troy and tons of other family. Everybody had similar reactions....a scream at first then words of joy!

Naturally with my Mom and sister...the cameras came out and pictures were taken!

We left around 9-ish and got some food as we were quite hungry. :) We talked much more on the way home and despite seeing so many family and friends have babies and being there for them....we have sooooo many questions!!!!!!!

We look forward to sharing out stories and questions with everybody and getting advice and tips on this or that on anything and everything. Right now, we are still just soaking it in.

GOD is amazing!

Other 'magical' factors that helped....

Outside of the most important factor of acheiving a positive pregnancy - prayer, prayer, prayer - here are some other odds and ends that led to a positive pregnancy:

- Embryos were conceived on Sweetest Day(....then frozen)
- The transfer was performed on Valentine's Day
- Dr. Jacobs (our doctor) performed the transfer
- A pregnant nurse assisted our doctor
- A friend suggested that I eat foods with cinammon the days just after the transfer to assist with implantation
- I stayed on bedrest for about 5 days instead of just 2
- I had the dream of the little girl with 2 faces
- I had light cramping (the uterus making room for the baby) the day after the dream

5 years and 3 months later....I'M PREGNANT!!!!!!

Yes, it is true....finally....after 5 years and 3 months of trying and waiting and praying, praying, praying.....I am finally pregnant!!!!

Here's how it went down:

Tuesday, Feb. 26th I had my blood test at 7:15am....I told Nurse Nicole to pick a good vein; one that had a winner. Then I sat at work all day....many people were out of the office at a conference, so it was pretty quiet...which doesn't bode well for a nervous person!

Around 2:15 I finished all my main projects and decided to head home...I didn't want to get the response over voicemail and I still didn't really know which way it would go...but I always brace myself for a negative as that is the only response I've received for the last 5 years...

About 2 minutes after I pulled out of work, Dawn (my sister) called me to tell me she loved me and couldn't wait and all that good juicy stuff as good sister's do. :) My other line beeped and I saw that it was my nurse. Knowing that if Dawn knew the nurse called and I'd have to call her right back....I lied (sorry Dawn, I won't lie to you again). I told her that work was calling me...made sense since I just left. So I hung up with Dawn and here it was.....

Nurse: Hello this is nurse (don't remember her name) from Dr. Jacobs office how are you today? (she sounded chipper....but she is naturally that way, so I tried not to read into it)

Me: Hi.....um, I'm really nervous.....

Nurse: Well you don't have to be any more because you tested POSITIVE!!!!!!!!

Me: (scream) (cry) (sob) (screech!) You're kidding...oh my this is so surreal!!!!

She proceeded to tell me all my numbers and how good they all were.....I have to call her back today so I can write them down as I don't have much of a clue what she said!!!! I do remember that I needed to stay on all my medications and come back Thursday the 28th for more bloodwork. All the numbers she had just read to me (that I don't remember) need to double on Thursday. I made my appt. and that was that!

Oh, our dream is finally coming true!!!

I had a dream...

So Saturday night I had a dream....and I'm not certain that I've had a dream where I've had a baby during a cycle or not....not saying it means anything, but it was neat....then weird.

So I had just delivered this beautiful baby girl. I looked over at her and started crying and said 'wow, she really is our baby'. The nurses were snipping the cord and doing their 'cleaning'....I kept waiting for her to cry and she didn't...perhaps I missed that part of my dream, because she was just making adorable noises. The dream almost felt like a test, because I was touching her tummy and her arm.....and I felt that the nurses should have done all the cleaning first before I touched her, so...I don't know.

Then I picked her up and checked out the back of her head....and it was her face...so I turned her around....and it was her face....she had 2 faces!!!!!! (Perhaps that's the possibility of twins talking)....I looked at John and said, does everybody else see this (cuz the room was filled with people). He said (with the camera around his neck like a tourist) not to worry about it, then he began taking our picture.

My sister then told everybody to get out of the room so I could start breast feeding....then the dream ended....

Weird.......who knows......

Transfer - Take 2

So after my visit on February 6th, my lining looked fantastic.....however a lining can look....

Yesterday, Valentine's Day, we had our frozen embryo transfer (FET). Things went smoothly....we hit some traffic on the way, but once there we were called right in....to the same room we were in before (we figured that if by chance it doesn't work out this time, we will ask for a different room going forward). :) We waited for about a half hour as they were finishing up with a retrieval in the other room. I don't mind waiting when we're in there....because John and I talk...and he tells corny jokes....we're just kinda goofy.

The ultrasound tech checked my water and I needed to drink a little bit more...so I chugged about 16 ounces right there....whoa...full bladder!!!

Our doctor, Dr. Jacobs came in along with the nurse...prepped me...the ultrasound tech got ready (pressing hard on my stomach)...then the embryologist came in and handed the doctor our children (embryos)....and in they went. The ultrasound tech snapped some pictures and then everybody left...we were done. Right before the nurse left she told me that she is the only pregnant nurse that day....and she got me as her patient...so there were extra baby vibes being sent our way! Hey, we'll take what we can get!

Here is our first ultrasound picture. If you look closely in the middle there is a white arrow...it is pointing to a little glowing line....The embryos are actually microscopic at this point. The 'glow' that you see is the fluid and air that the little embryos travel in for implantation....it helps so that the doctor can ensure that he put them in the right place.

So I was sent home on bedrest for 2 days....so John has been wonderful and has taken good care of me. :)

Now we wait 2 weeks.....and no inter-cycle blood test since it doesn't mean anything and the progesterone I am taking is not measured in the bloodstream.

In the meantime, I will continue to get a progesterone shot in the buttocks for 2 more weeks....ouch...

:)

Next Steps

So John and I decided to do a frozen cycle. We don't want to give up on the 1st batch just yet...I still believe that my body was so out of whack from all the meds that it 'bloated' the embryos out.....sure the doctor says that isn't it...but let me have this belief...I need something to blame other than another cycle that didn't work...

So we notified the nurses and everything got started....all I needed was to get my period......

......which took 2 weeks to arrive past its 'due' date. And no, of course, I was not pregnant...many thought it...including a tiny inkling myself, but no, we are not that lucky. :)

So finally mid December I got my period and went in for my baseline blood and ultrasound...things looked good....just a small cyst that should clear up (had the same thing last time and it did clear up).....

I then started taking birth control pills (sounds backwards, but again, they have to ensure that I don't get pregnant, so this is the best way).

All the dates are now set up...
I stop taking the pill on 1/12 and start Lupron
On 1/25 I go for my baseline blood and ultrasound....
if all is good, then 1/26 I start the 'patches' (something new)
Then on 2/6 I have another ultrasound to ensure my lining is thick enough (then from the docs office I jump on a plane for work for a few days)
Then on 2/14, yes Valentine's Day, we have our transfer

Our kids were conceived 10/20/07....Sweetest Day....then this is the day we were given by the nursing staff for our frozen embryo transfter....Valentine's Day....John and I figure that with all the extra love floating in the air, perhaps something magical will happen.....we'll see... :)

Follow Up

So, John and I met with Dr. Jacobs on Nov. 27th....about 3 weeks had passed by and we were ready to discuss next steps...

Dr. Jacobs while a knowledgeable and really nice guy is a fast talker....and occupies the conversation....so basically he was frustrated that it didn't work. He re-iterated that we're young and don't have any problems, so it should work. He also re-iterated that we have excellent insurance...and really, we do....Blue Cross Blue Shield HMO...they pay for pretty much everything except for freezing the embryos....so wow, it is great. As long as John stays with his work until we have at least one child....and his work doesn't change insurance plans for the next year, we'll be good. :)

So he said that we could do a frozen cycle or another fresh cycle. I asked why he would suggest a frozen when that would be the obvious next step for me..... He said that the frozen embryos are always there....those we can use many, many years down the road....but we may not always have the insurance....so we may want to use up the insurance while it is still solid... Also, he said that there could be something genetically wrong with the batch of embryos, but he wouldn't recommend doing genetic testing at this point as it is very expensive and not covered by insurance and he doesn't feel that is the problem....

We then asked what would he do differently this next time for a fresh cycle to make it 'better'? He said that he wouldn't push as many meds....now that he knows how sensitive my body is to the medication and how well I respond...we didn't need 44 eggs.....to then get 7 good quality embryos...so he's hoping to get fewer eggs, but greater quality...because I am young it shouldn't be a problem.

He gave us the quality of the eggs....and the explained how the quality can be measured differently at different places. Our next best quality is a 2AA and 2AB (I think)...so still pretty good...

He told us to think about it and let our nurses know the decision by the time I start my next cycle.....

The results

So, yes, I am doing this post a couple months later....the result of the pregnancy test was negative and at first I just didn't have the heart to post it.

So John and I had gotten our hopes up a little too high. The nurses were already telling me which outfits to dress them up in next Christmas and that they were already 'in kindergarten'...the doctors were all pretty positive about the whole experience....we had family and friends EVERYWHERE praying like crazy!!!! It was probably all I talked about and thought about for 2 weeks straight!!!

So a week after the transfer, I had a progesterone level check (blood test). It came back fine...I believe it was at a 17....they say anything above a 15 is good. I told another friend that is also going through IVF and she said that they can tell if you are pregnant by that test (although the nurses would say they cannot)....so I got all freaked out, cuz my number was not all that high...I worked myself up in a tizzy. I was on a ton of progesterone medication...a shot every 3 days and tablet inserts 3 times a day......but only the shot was measured in the blood...the tablets are way better, but not easily measured. So that made me feel better that there really could be a lot more going on....plus a different friend that was pregnant a natural way said hers was a 12 and she was pregnant....so my meltdown went away and I went back to being positive.

Well, I was told by my nurse that a home pregnancy could be done over the weekend and it would be accurate. In the meantime, I started feeling 'like usual, not pregnant'...but thought it was just my mind.

I took a test and it was negative....shortly after I started spotting. I cried.....hysterically actually for a few hours. John, I could tell, was very upset and hurt.

To make matters worse/better (still not 100% sure), I had to leave THAT afternoon to fly to Rhode Island for a business trip. I packed my things and drove myself to the airport.....then got through it the next day. I mainly felt bad for John....as it appears that while there is no problem, the embryos are just not sticking in my body...and I so badly want to give him a child.

I still had to take the blood test on Nov. 6th (yes, one day before my 27th birthday) and yes, it was confirmed as negative. Dr. Jacobs called and left a message that night stating how shocked and upset he was that it didn't work....you have NO idea....

We discussed the next steps when I retured the next day from my trip and decided to let things settle for at least a month....we both needed a breather after getting extremely disappointing news.

There is still hope and we still believe it will happen...it is just a matter of time....

:)

The Transfer

So Thursday, October 25 we drove downtown to River North to 'pick up' our kids. Our appt. was at 9am, however they wanted us there at 8am....and I had to drink 20 oz. of water. We left around 6:30, but then got gas and John then realized that my tires were flat, so we had to fill those suckers up. By the time we got to the highway, it was jam packed....so I started freaking out cuz we weren't going to be there by 8am. John tried to calm me (several times actually) to say there is nothing we can do about it and we'll still make it there by 9.


We got there at 8:50 (geez....over 2 hours of traffic....ugh, ugh, ugh!). There was nobody in the waiting room and we were called in right away. The staff didn't seem bothered at all that we weren't there any earlier (my worrying was for absolutely nothing...still I apologized and blamed the traffic). I had drank probably about 40 oz. of water and had to pee badly. I was plopped in my same room (Room #1) again with my name on it (and on the other ever-so-important door to where our lovely embryo-children were). They were moving right on schedule so an ultrasound tech came to check my bladder...I had over-acheived and was told to pee 2 cups out....not a problem and gladly! :) Ah....I felt much better!


So the doctor came in and went over what was going to happen....which is not the order of how I wanted to discuss things...I interrupted him and asked how the kids were doing...how many survived....how many will freeze...what quality they were....and how many he wanted to put back in. Still he stopped to dwell on a few things here and there...but eventually got to what I wanted to hear (so I have little clue all the babble he said beforehand). He said that so far about 12 embryos degenerated.....several more still have some growing to do. He said that we had 2 Grade 1AA embryos...which apparently is the HIGHEST quality an embryo can have. Then there were already 3 more that were at a good enough quality to freeze and most likely survive a thaw. He estimated that a few more would make it.

So then he continued on how it was going to happen. He suggested only putting one of the BEST embryos in. He said that 1 would give us a 50% chance; 2 would give us a 60% chance so he thought just one would be good; I disagreed as did John. We previously discussed that we would rather have twins than nothing and I would regret the decision for the rest of my life if we only put one in and I didn't get pregnant. He said not a problem and we all made the decision to put 2 in. He left the room to get things prepped and notify everybody that 2 big embryos will be going back in.

The doctor came back in...along with a nurse and the ultrasound tech. I was prepped (just like any other insemination), but the ultrasound tech kept a picture of my belly on the screen so the doctor could make sure everything was going in the right place. Since we could see the screen too, it was SO cool to watch! John snapped a picture....and then the ultrasound tech snapped a few screen shots as well.....embryos are microscopic....but they travel in a glowing fluid so it shows up on the ultrasound screen....so we saw 2 glowing spots and knew they were in there safe and sound. (The nurses also hold the tube under a special light to make sure that 'everybody' got out of there safe and sound.)

I laid there for 15 minutes to let everything settle....and then we went home and I laid still there for 2 days not doing much at all....doctor's orders.

Now the dreaded two week wait for the 'big test' with only a progesterone check in between (that wouldn't tell us anything anyway).....okay, positive thoughts!

Egg Retrieval

So it was Saturday, Oct. 20th (Sweetest Day) and I was feeling ever so huge and bloated! We had to drive downtown Chicago to River North, so luckily it was a Saturday with zero traffic. :)

We got there with 'the men' at 7am...and boy oh boy were there lots of other couple all there for the same thing....it was kind of weird. We were called in around 7:30ish and they had Room #1 waiting for me with my name on it and everything! I changed into a fancy hospital gown (okay not that fancy) and we waited. There was another door opposite the one we entered into the room...that door went to the 'egg retrieval' room....a sanitary members only kind of place. My name was on that side of the door as well (just so there's no mixup...good!). Several nurses/doctors came in to see me and explain what was going to happen. In the meantime we could hear the embryologists in the back counting eggs from other patients...they shout it out so the doctor doing the procedure can know they successfully grabbed an egg from a follicle...it was pretty cool to hear. This one lady had 41 eggs...we were amazed! Then around 8:45 I was wheeled away.

John stayed in our room so he could hear the countdown. I was quickly drugged up. When I got back into my room no more than 15-20 minutes later, I was slowly waking up and asked John what he heard...he said he heard 37....awesome!!!!! Then the nurse came in and told me to start drinking water (I had to pee before I left....it was a test). I also had some crackers as I wasn't allowed to eat anything all morning. The doctor came in shortly after and told us that we in fact had 44 EGGS!!!!!!!!! Holy crap! They must have gotten tired of screaming the counts when John was listening cuz he didn't hear all that! :)

I felt fine...needed no pain meds. I tried to pee, but was unsuccessful. So I downed 3 cups of water...and passed the test! I got dressed and we left....leaving our potential 44 children behind was tough, but we knew they were in good hands and had to stay there in order to join together with John's men and grow.

On the way home I talked on the phone a very little bit...but that was enough...John had to pull over so I could 'toss my cookies'.....eeewwwww.

When we got home I was starving and ate a small meal that was probably not the best thing for me to eat at the time.

Soon after I was home the pain and bloating started kicking in...so I started downing the tylenol. I looked 4 months pregnant already with my stomach being so huge. They said because I had SO many eggs, that my ovaries will be swollen for a while. Luckily I had the weekend to rest.

Sunday we got 'the call'. The call that tells how many of our 44 possibilities fertilized and survived. We had 32 eggs that were mature and of those 25 fertilized! A GREAT number!! They said we would most likely do a 5-day transfer, but they would call us Monday and let us know.

Sunday afternoon my Mom and Dad came over. My Mom made us many meals to last throughout the week...Chicken Noodle Soup, Roast, Company Chicken Casserole, Turkey Tenderloin....and Chocolate Chip cookies and a cake! Delicious!!!!! My Dad and John tackled the Hot Tub (it had stopped working mid summer....it was so hot and John couldn't use it anyway (gotta save those men) so we didn't bother fixing it). They did fix it and John hopped in the next day...he hasn't been allowed in for more than 30 seconds since we moved in a year ago!

Monday I worked from home...I was still way too bloated (not fitting any normal clothes) and I really didn't feel well. I got a call around Noon to say that we would definitely have a 5-day transfer. They also mentioned that all 25 appeared to be growing on their own, which was good.

Although I tried to ask the next few days how the embryos were doing...I was told that there was no update....I suppose they don't want to bother them daily to see how they're doing and let me know. Oh well....

IVF Cycle (#1....and I hope that's all!)

So here we are doing IVF (In Vitro Fertilization).

September I started taking Birth Control Pills (sounds backwards, right?) to help calm my body before the 'storm'. During this time, I had a couple more tests done to make sure my body was really ready for what was about to happen. John and I went to West Palm Beach, FL at the Four Seasons for a conference my work was hosting...we had a great time...and relaxing too. We left a day early to fly to PA for my Grandfather's Memorial Service and saw a bunch of family...many of them saying a lot of prayers for us, which is appreciated SO much more than they know...we are so lucky to have such a large support system.

Monday, October 1st I took my last Birth Control Pill and started my first dose of Lupron. Lupron is a drug that makes your body think that it can produce more than just one egg per month; this is a shot that goes in your stomach (small needle...no pain). I did that shot while I flew to GA for a business trip (not nearly as relaxing as FL...and I got a nasty cold while I was there from all the flying we'd done recently). Also during that trip I got my (hopefully last) period...good the ball is rolling.

When I got back I went to the doctor to again on October 9th to make sure my body is ready to start this VERY involved process. All was well. On the 10th I started Follistim (a drug that makes your body produce as many eggs as possible); this is a shot as well that goes in your stomach...very small, fine needle (no pain). I took this shot every night along with Lupron every morning. I started the (almost) daily doctor visits for bloodwork & ultrasound (vaginal) to check my progress.

My first appt. on the 12th showed that I already had about 9 eggs growing, which was great! Saturday I started a shot that John had to give me in my tush (IM...IntraMuscular)....after that night my stomach started bloating and hurting. They kept my meds. at the same dosage and I went back on Sunday the 14th. I had a couple more little buggers in there and I went back Monday the 15th....again a couple more...but this time they said that my Estrogen level was getting pretty high pretty fast and they decided to lower my meds from 225units to 200units. I went back Tuesday. Still my estrogen was climbing to fast (this could be bad....if my estrogen went past 6,000 or I had more than 35 mature eggs, my 1st IVF cycle would be CANCELLED)...so they dropped my meds to 150units. I went back Wednesday and by this time I had 16 mature follicles and 34 total (holy crap!)...however, my estrogen was still a bit too high....so they lowered me to 37.5units (barely anything)...I went back Thursday which by now it was almost uncomfortable to walk cuz I had so many eggs....they told me to LIMIT activity because my egg 'sack' is so fragile, they could bounce right out....I had a total of 42 follicles (yikes), 32 were measurable, and 20 are 'mature'. That night I did the Ovidrel (which is a bit thicker of a needle, in the stomach, but still no pain). Ovidrel is the 'trigger' shot...it tells my body to ovulate.

Friday was a day of rest...no shots...yay!

Background

So where do I start....John and I got married on June 30, 2001. We met at college where we were both Resident Assistants...we were friends for a few months, then started dating in March of 99. In June of 2000 we bought our first (fixer upper) house and he proposed right after the closing on the front stoop....awww. He started his new job as a programmer and I finished up school while planning a wedding. :)

A year and a few months later (November 2002) we decided to start trying to expand our family. We were very excited and anxious to see what the next month would bring. Little did we know at that time what a long road ahead of us we had....

Month after long month, we had negative tests. We tried SO many things...among them are: standing on my head 'afterwards', feet in the air, vitamins meant for old people (a friend said she knew 2 friends that got pg taking them...not so much me), charting temps, charting cycles, ovulation kits, herbal teas and vitamins, acupuncture, progesterone supplements, clomid, Follistim with insemination, no hot tub for John, limited caffeine intake, no alcohol (for me), relaxing vacations (Florida, Italy, Aruba), 'Not thinking about it'--bad advice,-it's impossible, 'listening' to my monthly ovulation pain I've gotten since I was a teenager, reading books and websites, PRAYER, I got a new 'less stressul' job (although I do travel with it, which makes it tough with doc. appts.), we got a dog (it 'worked' for many of my friends), we moved to a much nicer neighborhood, we have had doctor visits on and off...just letting nature do its 'thang'...

But we have since grown impatient. Getting pregnant is the one thing that is literally out of our control...we can only do so much (as shown above)....but it is all up to God. We've decided to help our chances a bit more and we are just finishing up our first IVF cycle. I never thought that I would conceive a child without having sex....but hey, it will make it easier to explain to our kids where babies come from, right? "Just go downtown Chicago and pick 'em up" :) Yeah right, it's not that easy....

Joining the Craze

Hey there! So after months of seeing a few of my friends blogs, I decided I would join the craze of Blogland. :) I am new at this, so bare with me. As my life with my family gets more exciting I'll post more to keep everybody updated.